BLOODSUCKER
我睡梦中听到你的声音。我不确定自己是在做梦，还是你正站在我上方，利用我易受暗示的敏感。你浑厚的声音压垮了我的身体。你把我压得低低的。我汗流浃背，裹在你每晚将我封入的橡胶床单里。我的意志薄弱，无力反抗。你的声音在黑暗中笼罩着我。我把它包裹着，就像你用来包裹我身体的橡胶床单一样。你的声音侵入我的身体。你声音的热量温暖着我的身体，同时也使它变得虚弱。我的肌肤就是你的肌肤。
你的脸悬在我的脸上，在黑暗中微微发光。你脱离了肉体。我被包裹在一种感觉像脂肪的东西里。我的内脏被开膛破肚。我的喉咙被割断。在橡胶床单下，我沉浸在自己身体的排泄物中。我张开嘴，让你把舌头伸进我体内。我完全属于你。你的脸覆上我的脸，我感觉刀子刺穿了我的胸膛，然后滑入我的胸膛。我凝视着你的双眼，被你的力量淹没。之后，我被橡胶床单裹住，脚踝着地，悬挂在角落里，我感到被爱着，鲜血和垃圾顺着脸颊流淌到地板上。我对你完全敞开心扉。
你把我独自留在角落里几个小时。我的血液流干了。我的肉体冷却了。我意识到自己悬挂在角落里，听到另一个房间里传来的笑声。你喝醉了。当你告诉你的朋友你是如何结束我的生命时，你哽咽得像狗被肉噎住一样。我摇摇晃晃。地板离我越来越远。我意识到我的肉体就是食物。我渴望被吞噬。我想感受自己滑入你的胃里，那是你声音的源头。我需要你的力量。
你把我拉向你的身体。我感觉我的骨头断裂了。我的背向后弯曲，直至断裂。我的脖子被绑在脚后跟上。你正在塑造我的身体，以满足你的需要。你自言自语，抚慰着我，同时审视着你用我的身体包裹起来的躯体。我毫无生气。我是你的。
我愿意为你做任何事。我存在于你的需求范围之外。我的身体只有在被你的身体侵犯后才存在。没有你的指引，我无法，也不愿动弹，无法意识到自己的存在。当你的手不在我身上时，我什么都感觉不到。当你操我，把我埋在床上时，我用你的肌肤来定义我的终点。
我的肌肤如橡胶般柔软。当你抓挠我时，你留下的伤口不会流血。我的心为你而柔软。当你吮吸我的眼睛时，你能尝到我眼中的你。我需要你把我封闭起来，这样我就不会思考，把我锁起来。你把我拉进你的身体。我饱餐一顿，沉入你的腹中。当你进入你体内时，我感觉不到自己。我需要你来掌控我的时间、我的动作、我的思绪。除非你替我感受，否则我什么都感觉不到。当你抓挠我，当你穿透我，当你敞开心扉，我汲取着你的快感。而我，在你体内，却是空虚的。
(1984)
原文
I hear your voice while I’m sleeping. I’m not sure if I’m dreaming, or if you’re standing above me taking advantage of my susceptibility to suggestion. Your thick voice crushes my body. You press me down. I’m sweating, wrapped inside the rubber sheet you seal me into each night. My mind’s weak. I’m incapable of resistance. Your voice covers me in the dark. I wrap it around me like the rubber sheet you use to wrap my body. Your voice invades my body. The heat of your voice warms my body as it weakens it. My skin is your skin.
Your face is hanging over my face, glowing slightly in the dark. You’re disembodied. I’m encased in what feels like fat. I’ve been disemboweled. My throat’s been cut. Beneath the rubber sheet, I’m swimming in my body’s waste. I open my mouth so you can stick your tongue in me. I’m completely yours. As your face covers mine, I feel your knife puncture, then slip into my chest. I’m looking into your eyes, drowned by your strength. Later, bound up in the rubber sheet, hanging by my ankles in the corner, I feel loved, as my blood and refuse fall across my face onto the floor. I’m completely open to you.
You leave me alone in my corner for several hours. The blood drains out of my body. My flesh cools. I’m conscious of myself hanging in the corner, and the sound of laughter in the other room. You’re drunk. When you tell your friend how you finished me off, you choke on your words like a dog chokes on meat. I’m swaying. The floor’s falling away from me. I’m conscious of my flesh being food. I’m aching to be eaten. I want to feel myself slide down into your stomach, the source of your voice. I need your strength.
You’re pulling me against your body. I feel my bones breaking. My back’s bent backwards until it snaps. My neck’s tied to my heels. You’re shaping my body to fit your needs. You’re singing to yourself, soothing me, as you inspect the package you’ve made of my body. I’m inert. I’m yours.
I’ll do anything for you. I don’t exist outside the perimeters of your needs. My body doesn’t exist until it’s violated by your body. I’m unable, unwilling to move, become conscious of myself, without your direction. When your hands aren’t on me, I don’t feel anything. When you fuck me, burying me in the bed, I use your skin to define where I end.
My skin’s rubber. When you claw me, the lacerations you leave behind don’t bleed. My heart’s soft for you. When you suck my eyes, you can taste how I see you. I need you to seal me in, so I won’t think, and lock me away. You’re pulling me into you. I’m gorged, sinking into your belly. I don’t feel myself when I’m inside you. I need you to order my time, my movements, my mind. I don’t feel anything unless you feel it for me. When you claw me, when you penetrate me, when you open up, I feed on your pleasure. I’m empty inside you.
(1984)