RAPING A SLAVE
我被跟踪，被解剖，不断被强暴。我正在努力增强力量，我必须反抗你。你又蠢又慢，但我必须小心。你现在看着我，我能感觉到你正试图撕裂我的身体。你会一点一点地吃掉它。一旦你困住了我，我就完全属于你了。你想把我肢解，吞噬我。我比你强壮，但我需要时间来策划我的行动。我身体里的每一个细胞都准备好了杀戮。你不会伤害我的。我会接受你给予的一切，咀嚼它，然后用你的暴力将你淹没。我会吮吸你的鸡巴，轻轻地舔舐你的屁眼，你会想：“这婊子就是个野兽。我控制着她。她生来就是为了吮吸我的鸡巴。她完全是我的。”我用嘴唇包裹住你坚硬的阴茎（我让它硬起来，所以它是我的），然后我咬住它，一开始很慢，不让你觉得我在挑逗你，然后我把它撕开。你像个女人一样晕了过去。我粗暴地把你的软骨和筋腱吸进我的喉咙，再吸进我的胃里。一股鲜血从你的胯部喷涌而出，喷到我的脸上。我把嘴贴在你阴茎的洞口，喝着血，直到血止住。你很享受。我生来就是要吃你的阴茎，而不是吮吸它。
我数不清有多少种想要毁掉你的方式。我的仇恨和欲望一直密不可分。你毛茸茸的手臂可以捏碎我，我也可以拿砍刀把它们砍掉。你以为你可以操纵我。在这种情况下，“智慧”不是一种美德。你不知道自己蛮力的威力。你害怕它。你必须想办法为它辩护。你饱受内疚的折磨，这证明了你的软弱。你应该为自己拥有支配身体的能力而自豪，但你却畏缩不前。当你照镜子审视自己时，你害怕自己紧绷的肌肉。我可以利用这一点，戏弄你，嘲讽你，直到你不顾一切地想要杀了你，然后稍微满足你（让你泄气），好让你再次臣服于我。你居然喜欢舔我脏兮兮的脚底。真是个懦夫！你舔我脚底，我甚至都提不起兴趣。让你在下面，才是万物生长的规律。我真想漫步在满是半昏迷状态的裸体男人的房间里，用砍刀戳来戳去，砍到膝盖深的血泊中，偶尔停下来砍下某个人的头颅，捡起他被砍下的头颅，和它法式接吻，直到我倒在血泊之中，我的精液和极乐与鲜血交融。这就是不言而喻的真相。每次你试图勾引我，你都试图把它抛到脑后。你是个笑话，你是个小丑，你是个太监。
我一边做爱一边笑得前仰后合。你试图奉承我，告诉我我有多棒（只是因为你在强奸我），而我却梦想着用刀刺穿你的耳朵。我沉迷于贬低你。这就是我活着的意义，我每分每秒都在思考这件事。
当我在工作，被人当狗一样对待时，只有我的身体还在。我的思绪仿佛站在巨石之巅，俯视着一群胆小鬼。我人生的定位（我一直都知道）就是割断傲慢男人的喉咙，以及软弱卑微的男人（也许他们更应该被湮没）。
我呼吸着一团红色的雾气。它深入我的肺腑，让我充满了真正的力量：我的欲望。这是我隐秘的意识，我杀戮的权利，也是我的义务。我喜欢握着你的手，感受它深藏的力量，抚慰它直至无力。你也感受到了。你感到你的力量正流失到我体内。你无助。你对此无能为力。我如同一块磁铁，将你体内的每一丝生命力都吸走。你活着的唯一目的就是高潮，将生命的最后一滴能量吸走。我永远无法理解，你怎么会愚蠢到为了自我贬低而奋斗。但我无权理解你。
(1985)
原文
I’m being followed. I’m being dissected. I get raped constantly. I’m trying to build up my strength. I have to fight you off. You’re stupid and slow, but I have to be careful. As you look at me now, I can feel you trying to rip my body apart. You’re going to eat it bit by bit. Once you’ve trapped me, I’ll be all yours. You want to cut me up and devour me. I’m stronger than you are, but I need time to plot out my actions. Every cell in my body’s ready for murder. You’re not going to hurt me. I’m going to take what you give, chew it, then drown you in your own violence. I’ll suck your cock, gently licking your asshole, and you’ll think, “This bitch is an animal. I control her. She’s made to suck my cock. She’s completely mine.” I wrap my lips around your hard prick (I made it hard, so it’s mine), then I bite into it, slowly at first so you don’t think I’m teasing you, then I rip it apart. You faint like a woman. I suck your gristle and sinews roughly down my throat into my stomach. There’s a hose of blood shooting out from your crotch into my face. I stick my mouth to the hole where your cock was and drink the blood until it stops. You enjoy it. I’m made to eat your cock, not suck it.
I can’t count the ways in which I want to mutilate you. My hatred and my desire have always been inseparable. Your hairy arms could crush me or I could hack them off with a machete. You think you can manipulate me. “Intelligence” in this case isn’t a virtue. You don’t know the power of your own brute strength. You’re scared of it. You have to figure out ways to justify it. You suffer from guilt, proving your weakness. You should be proud of your ability to dominate physically, but instead you cower from it. You’re frightened of your tight muscles when you inspect yourself in the mirror. I can use this to my advantage, teasing you, ridiculing you to the point of murder, then satisfying you slightly (so you deflate) in order to put you back beneath my foot. You actually enjoy licking the soiled undersides of my feet. What a weakling! It doesn’t even excite me to have you do it. It’s the natural order of things, to have you down there. I’d like to stroll through a room full of half-conscious naked male bodies, poking and slicing with my machete until I’m up to my knees in a sea of blood and male flesh, occasionally stopping to decapitate some guy, picking up his severed head and french kissing it until I fall down among the carnage, mixing my come and bliss with the blood. That’s the unspoken truth. It’s what you attempt to push to the back of your mind each time you try to seduce me. You are a joke, you are a clown, you are a eunuch.
I’m laughing my guts out as we fuck. You’re trying to flatter me, telling me how wonderful I am (only because you’re raping me), and I’m dreaming of stabbing you through the ear with my knife. I’m devoted to the idea of your belittlement. It’s what I live for, what I think about every second.
While I’m at work, where I’m treated like a dog, only my body is present. My mind is standing on top of a monolith, looking down on a swelling crowd of cowardly men. It’s my position in life (I’ve always known it) to cut the throats of arrogant men, and weak, humble men also (maybe they deserve oblivion even more).
I’m breathing a red fog. It goes down into my lungs and fills me with my real strength: my lust. It’s my secret consciousness, my right to kill, as well as my duty. I love to hold your hand, feeling its buried strength, caressing it into impotence. You feel it too. You feel your power draining into me. You’re helpless. There’s nothing you can do about it. I’m a magnet that draws every particle of life out of your body. All you live for is orgasm, for the last drop of life to be sucked out. I’ll never understand how you can be so stupid as to strive for your own denigration. But it isn’t my place to understand you.
(1985)